hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
