Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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