If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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