We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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