clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
