I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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