I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
