I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
