; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
