yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
