It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
