There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
