You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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