apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
