my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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