Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize