ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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