is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
