I am puke
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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