Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
