Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
