I wanna bring you to show and tell
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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