she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
two words: eviction party
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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