So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
