you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
