After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
