I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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