Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
