dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
