but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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