true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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