i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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