I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's always time for handjobs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this is an emotional support booty call
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
