Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
