Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
