So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
