she smelled like a LAN party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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