She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
