Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
