I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
