I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could fuck to npr.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
