He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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