yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
