i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
