2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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