New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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