Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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