I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
