Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
