If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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