Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
