I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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