She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
