I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
