Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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