Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
