This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
