chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize