Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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