If that was your dad, he is hot
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
