The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
