TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
