yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
