Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
