just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
