i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
