if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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