Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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