They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
