I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
