the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
