um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
