why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found puke in my bra..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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