I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
